Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Mom said you looked used
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
