Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
