where am i from again
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
