Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
