she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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