The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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