Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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