i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
