toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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