my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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