There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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