i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
