i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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