she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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