We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You are a genius and a whore.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
