The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
if i died would you start the facebook group?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
