He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She bit a glass in half.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize