I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
