I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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