I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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