I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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