I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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