There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
