She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if only i could text you this smell
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm too high and old for this...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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