I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
