I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
