A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Im part way to drunk.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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