It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
