bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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