god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
