he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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