it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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