from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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