A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
