mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You've changed since you got that strap on
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
