a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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