I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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