Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
