You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize