My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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