Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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