I'm so fucking centered right now
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
