my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
