from now on my penis is your penis
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
