Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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