his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i dont even know how to be here
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
