yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize