Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He shit in the fireplace
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
