its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
