Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
