apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
