Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
