so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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