But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
