hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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