So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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