Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize