"it" just moved
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
