Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
