The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
