2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't deserve a penis
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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