if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize