Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
