So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
