You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize