There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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