the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Text me some of your sweat
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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