in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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