How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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