he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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