And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
