When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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