Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You're a waste of cheezeits
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize