wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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