We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
