ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
