I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
