I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Also, beer. Big fan.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
