i would punch a child for taco bell
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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