My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
