would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
