Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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