Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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