Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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