Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
