he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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