I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
