i may or may not be watching the land before time
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
