youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize