i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
