it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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