Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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