He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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