I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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